Robotron 64:  Utopia and Myopia
review by Zube (Zube@mail.cs.colostate.edu)
Created:  Jan 30, 2003
Updated:  May 23, 2006
http://www.cs.colostate.edu/~dzubera/robotron64.txt

[Additions, suggestions, corrections or thoughtful discussion always welcome.]

I'm very lucky.  I spent $10 and bought Robotron 64 (used) and got more 
than $10 worth of entertainment.  It captures the fast and furious nature 
of the original Robotron very well.  It also can be played with two joysticks 
as Mr. Jarvis intended.  

[Aside:  NES Smash TV can be played with two joypads and it's still pretty
good.  SNES Total Carnage cannot be and the game is awful.]

I also think Crave did a lot of things right in the update, such as
more and different enemies, power-up weapons, a simple techo soundtrack and
different playfields.  They also added bonus rounds (ala Galaga) and a
boss round (round 100 and probably round 200).  Neither of these appeal to 
me, but they don't detract in any significant sense.  Much of the learning 
curve of Robotron 64 is a lot of fun.  

Alas, this pleasant world contains a breathtakingly stupid design decision.
It isn't clear if it can be attributed to myopia, laziness, not knowing
or ignoring the history of the game, some other factor or some combination
of factors.  What is clear is that they blew it.

Starting at round 50 ("flash waves"), nearly every bloody round ends
with a long, tedious battle against wave after wave (after wave!) of
ever faster and ever magically-appearing-two-pixels-away enemies.
Rounds take minutes to complete and those minutes are about as exciting
as a cold cup of tea.

The original Robotron was a series of sprints.  As the level was generated,
one had a few brief moments to decide how to play it and then BANG!, the
starter's gun went off and the result was quickly determined.

Robotron 64's end-of-round tedium, however, turns the game into a
marathon.  If you think singing _99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall_ from
start to finish is so much fun that, upon completion, you jump up and
scream with glee "One more time!," then this is the game for you.  This
design decision is, quite possibly, one of the worst ever made.  It
ranks right up there with the removal of Bub and Bob from Bust-A-Move
Again and any decision related to SNES Space Ace.  The decision turns a 
game with a lot of merit into, literally, a waste of time (at the later
levels).  Nothing is more disappointing than seeing defeat snatched from
the jaws of victory and that's essentially what Robotron 64 does.

As the world waits for an authentic 100-level Donkey Kong, so too must it
wait for a proper Robotron sequel.  Perhaps it will happen someday, but it
hasn't happened yet.